New Year's Resolution: revisited

So far, not so good :(

Haven't really started on anything I wanted to do. I don't know why i am so demotivate these days :(. I'm a person who used to have a get up and go attitude but...I don't know, I'm not up to much and its really depressing.

Will keep you updated Insha Allah

New Year's Resolution

Now I'm not usually one for New Year's resolution and all of that palavar but this year, I decided that you know what, I've been living quite aimlessly for the past few years. Waking, sleeping, waking, sleeping and before you know it, I'm a year older, not a lot wiser and if I'm honest with myself, I don't feel that I have grown much in my deen.

As a result of this, I have resolved with a firm resolution that I am to pen down my goals and ambitions for the year to come. Well into of February. Cos I'm a bad ninjabi like that ;-).

I usually set my goals before the end of Ramadhan to meet the next Ramadhan but I always seem to lose motivation and keep procastinating my starting date till the next Ramadhan meets me with nothing much achieved.

Even this post has been started and relegated to draft more times than I care to count but I promise to at least finish this post today. Insha Allah.

So this time, I have decided to shame myself into publicly declaring my goals in the hope that it would propel me to actually actualize them or at least go forward in the hopes that they would see life outside of my head.

I am nervous and scared for this goal will inform my fears of whether or not I am destined for failure with regards to goal settings.

*big sigh*

Here goes:

Ok, I can't do it. The thought of public humiliation is one I can do without. I have however reached a compromise with myself in that I have written down my goals in a book and will update you insha Allah as to whether and when I have fulfilled my goals.

Please remember me in your du'as :D

Duchess

Stuff New mums say :P

This is my take on the craze that's currently trending on Youtube masha Allah lol

"TOM!!!!!”

“Crap! I need my sleep”

“TOM!!!!!”

“ He Is pooing chicken korma...all over his new outfit *cry*”

“Well EXCUSE YOU that the house looks like crap, you don’t have your breast permanently attached to a baby’s mouth so YOU find the damn hoover!”

“TOM? TOM?!!! COME PLEASE!!!!”

“I NEED SUPPORT, I’m not coping *cry*”

“TOM MAN!!! Come upstairs please, I’m breastfeeding I need your help...pass me my phone on that table, I want to see what’s happening on facebook”

“Awww, Tom, he pooed masha Allah, doesn’t he look cute when he pooes?”

“TOM! I just spent 4 frigging hours breastfeeding and he is finally sleeping. If you kiss him and wake him up, you need to take out your damn tits.”

Birth Story

As salaamu 'alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh my beloved Sisters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is my beloved buba's birth story. May Allah bless him and honour him and make him of the inhabitants of jannah.

I woke up on Tuesday, 13th of December feeling a bit of contraction but it wasn't that strong AT ALL so I thought I would stay home from uni and not go in cos imagine if I went into labour? Getting towards the evening, the contractions started getting stronger but not unbearably so. At around 3am, I woke hubs up and told him that I wanted us to go to the hospital as my contractions were getting stronger and I thought my water had broken (I had thought my water had broken like a billion times before that but that's another story *roll eyes*)

So we got there and went to the birth centre and the midwife checked me and said that i was just discharging and my water hadn't broken. I was also not dilating even though my contractions were getting REALLY PAINFUL at this point. My contractions were also coming really close together but weren't lasting long ALLAHU AKBAR!

So they sent me home.

I then called my mum to tell her that my tummy was hurting (cos I was too shy to tell her that i was contracting) and she was like "MAMA!!!!! You stupid child! you are contracting! TELL THEM YOU ARE CONTRACTING!" I was like "mama, they know but they are sending me home"

So we get home now and hubs goes straight to bed and i just couldn't sleep cos of the contractions as they were getting stronger. All of a sudden, my water ACTUALLY broke and i told hubs to get up as we had to go back to the the hospital. This was at 7:15. I called the hospital, went to go shower and freshen up (cos I didn't want to give birth smelly) and we went to the hospital.

As soon as we got to the hospital and I got out of the car, my mum called me. Now in my head, there was NO WAY I was giving birth that day so when my mum told me that she was in a cab coming, i was like no cos they were just going to send me home. I didn't know my mum was on a war path LOOOOOOOL! So she was like "what do they mean they are going to send you home? I'm gonna come meet them this stupid NHS! I'm coming for them! Hold on!" I was like "mama, i have to go cos i'm having another tummy ache"

As soon as I got into the hospital room, I STRIPPED off and the midwife checked me and told me I was only 2cm dilated. I wanted to cry. This was around 9am and my hubs came in after he had parked the car. The midwife left and I turned to hubs and said "I'm sorry fatih but I want an epidural" he then said "hauwa, you told me to not mention an epidural but only you know what kind of pain you are in so if you want it, i'll support you in that"

So when the midwife came in, I said to her "GIVE ME A C SECTION" hubs just said "what the flip??? how did we go from epidural to c-section?" loooooooooooooooooooooooool. The midwife said to me in a sweet voice "oh honey, we can't give you a c-section cos baby is fine and so are you" I was like "I'M NOT FINE! AND IF I'M IN DISTRESS, SO IS THE BABY! GIVE ME A C-SECTION" Just then, I felt a contraction hit me and I reached for her but she thought i was going to punch her and she flinched looooooooooooooooooooooooool so i said " I wasn't going to hit you" and she goes "i know" but you could see she was scared loooooooooooooooooooool miskeenah

Finally, I asked for pethidine and she gave it to me and it made me drowsy. When I woke up, my mum was in the room so i started saying to my husband "i love my mum, she is the best" loooooooooooooool then i'd fall asleep again and wake up with the pain of contractions. After like 20 mins so around 9:45am, I said to the nurse, i feel like pushing, i dont know why? she was like "no you can't, don't push" my mum was like "CHECK HER!!!!" LOOOOOOOL

When the midwife checked me, i had gone to 8cm masha Allah. When hubs heard this, he started crying and my mum, being a true african who doesn't like overt showing of emotions, said "Ya Rabbi, why are you testing me with these two?" ie me and my hubs looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool

After another short while, I went to 10cm and so started pushing Alhamdulillah and before long, he was here tabarakallah. I was only in established labour and delivery for 54mins tabarakallah.

I'm back...hopefully Insha Allah

As salaamu 'alaikum my wonderful blog family,

Subhanallah how I have missed blogging and my lovely sisters.

It has been a while. Almost a year to be exact :). May Allah make us of those who have benefitted from the past year although, I cannot say that I have done much for myself to be honest.

So much has happened since the last time I blogged subhanallah. I found out the following month (March) that I was pregnant with my little bubba. Had THE WORST MORNING SICKNESS in the world. TOM had to endure the most bratty of pregnant wives ever (good times, good times :D). Went back to uni. Pushed out a baby and here I am masha Allah.

Bubba is gonna be 1 month in a few days insha Allah and I'll put up my birth story in another post. He is THE MOST gorgeous young man EVER tabarakallah. May Allah preserve him and make him amongst the righteous and perfect his character. May Allah bless him and increase him in khair and honour him with jannatul Firdaws. Allahumma amine xxxx

Duchess

It's been a while

I haven't posted anything in a while and so I miss my fellow bloggers.

Hubby is going back to work tomorrow (today if you want to be pedantic :p) May Allah make the transition of being at home for two months to work easy.

Duchess

Passive aggression

I cannot STAND passive aggressive people subhanallah. This is the reason why I LOVE Africans. When they are aggressive, they are actively so. This can be quite frustrating but at least you know where you stand with them.

With others and unfortunately, SISTERS, they can't just be straight with you and inform you of their grievances. Rather, they have to be bitchy and underhanded in their dealings. How can we genuinely cultivate sisterhood when we are all suspicious of one another's niyyah and words?

This disease has even permeated our naseeha to one another. It is like we are trying to get one up on one another as opposed to just giving naseeha for the sake of Allah subhanallah. It is really quite frustrating I tell you.

For instance my sister was once approached by a sister at the masjid whose kids were being the BIGGEST BRATS EVER Subhanallah!!!! What happened was, my sister tried to control them and tell them off as any sister would but then, their mother comes and rather than approach my sister and speak to her, she starts making bitchy comments at her saying she was masculine in her ways and should try and be more feminine.

WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH YOUR BRATTY ASS KIDS?! But such is life eh?

Wallahu'l musta'an

Duchess

Follow the leader

TOM and I had been at my mother in law's house now for like a week. It started off us wanting to just stay for the weekend but we kept postponing going back to our house everyday and it's been a week now.

So this evening, we wanted to have tea but there was no tea bags and since it was way past maghrib, my younger sister in law and I asked TOM to walk us to the high street to get the tea bags. As there were four of us on this journey (TOM, me, my sister in law and their first cousin who is sleeping over since her mum is in cyprus for a week), we had to appoint an ameer as per the hadeeth of the Rassul salallahu 'alaihi wa sallam.

ANYWAY, we get the tea and we are on our way home but TOM was being SO EXTRA with his leadership duties and we were all getting a bit fed up. So we are walking home and are about to cross the road:

TOM: No, we are not crossing until the ameer says so
Group: no can we cross here please
TOM: Not until the ameer says so
Sister in Law: But we can't cross up there cos-
TOM: NOT until the ameer says so
SIL: But TOM, we can't cross up there cos of the road works
TOM: Listen to your ameer
SIL: *getting fed up* I'm crossing here!
TOM: (after seeing all of us start crossing) ok we can cross here now cos the ameer says so
looooooooooooooooooooooooooooool

I was in stitches. When we got home, I told his mum what had happened and she was like "my poor son, he was outnumbered" :P

Duchess

Disclaimer

I've been told to state that the last post is in no way referring to my glorious husband who is oh so glorious and great *roll eyes* :p

Duchess

Rights?

Why is it that in Islam, it seems that men have rights and women have patience? Why is it that we have to constantly extend and extend our endurance but all that seems to do is increase the demands?

I think seeking jannah through one's husband has to be THE most abused concept. Where is our rights and our needs being met? Why is it when a sister asks for that which is BASIC from her rights, she is seen as demanding and "dunyafied" but in the same breath, we have to be patient when rights are being demanded for?


I get so fed up with brothers whose wives are on benefit (state funded support eg welfare for the americans I think) wanting a second wife because of the "fitnah". Where is your patience akhi? Where is your fulfilment of obligation that Allah has placed on you? But this is from his right isn't it? He is only safe guarding his akhirah.

Yet a sister asking for, I don't know, separate accommodation from her in laws, not a mansion but even a flat so that she doesn't have to share her room with her two growing kids subanallah. This sister, only asking for her right, to safeguard HER akhirah is told to have patience. Where is the justice in this?

And we wonder why the ummah is in such a pitiful state. Wallahu'l musta'an

Alhamdulillah thumma Alhamdulillah

Barakallahu feekun my dear sisters for all your du'as and well wishes.

Subhanallah, my husband and I went to go sort out the important issue that I had mentioned last. Allah made it so easy and we were pleased with the outcome.

I might mention it in a few post Insha Allah but right now, it is still too painful to talk about. Please remember us in your du'as and I ask Allah to bless you all with jannatul firdaws and make you amongst the most pious of His 'Ibaad

Duchess x

Du'a

As salaamu 'alaikum my dear sisters,

I hope this finds you well and in the best of eemaan.

My mum always said "seek the du'a for the people cos you do not know who Allah will answer their du'as"

I am in desperate need of your du'as. My husband and I have something extremely important to conduct on Tuesday Insha Allah. Please please please make du'a that we are pleased with the outcome and Allah is pleased with us.

We are extremely worried.

Barakallahu feekum

Duchess

Patience

Allah gives and He takes and He is the best of those who disposes of our affairs.

I went to see the nurse today and it turns out that I was wrong in what I had assumed (re: last post). I cannot say that I am not disappointed but Alhamdulillah. We are patient with the Qadr of Allah.

This just means that we increase in our du'as and we strive more in getting closer to Allah and subhanallah this is from the beauty of this deen that in everything, there is benefit. When Allah blesses us, we are grateful so we attain His Pleasure. When He tests us, we strive to pray harder so we can attain His Mercy and Forgiveness. Subhanallah.

Subhanallah my husband has been very supportive in this although he was very happy when I had told him the news (the first time). May Allah reward him for his patience.

Duchess

Allah is the best of those who provides

Subhanallah, yesterday, I was so down as a result of certain situations that I find myself in.

I vowed to myself that my complaints I would take to my Rabb as He is the only one who can aid me in my afflictions and ease my hardship.

Today, I woke up for fajr and then after, I attended my Qur'an class and then Allah bless me with something that subhanallah I suspected but didn't want my heart to believe.

Please remember me in all your du'as and ask Allah to please keep my husband and I in this good state. I ask Allah to aid the believers and ease all their affairs and pour upon them patience in all their hardship

Duchess

Complication

Story of my life.

Although I should be grateful. There are others in much worst situations than me Subhanallah. It's just...when you're going through something, its hard to invalidate your own feelings by thinking of those in worst situations. It's like thinking of them doesn't alleviate you of your burden or lighten your heavy chest.

I don't know, maybe I'm just selfish. Perhaps others are better than this.

I'm just so fed up with how people only thing of their own happiness and comfort. I don't mind. If my happiness will affect you and yours then fine, of course, no problem, think of yourself first. This is human nature after all and I would be lying if I said that I wouldn't do the same.

But subhanallah, when one prevents another for no reason but their own selfish vision and regardless of the other's pain they are adamant on that path, what is the wording for this?

I'm getting tired now on this road that seems to have no end. It's like every step I take, thinking I am finding an exit, I stare even further down a road that darkens as it lengthens. I have laid down my weapons. I have no fight left in me.

I hope you are happy. For my sadness and anguish is what feeds your joy.

The Lion King

A few nights ago, TOM and I were watching The Lion King. So I set the table with cakes and all the sweety things

Now I'm a true BRIT so HAD to have my tea close by.

Anyways I'm reaching for me tea, when I looked over at my hubby and had to do a double take. He was crying at the scene where Mufasa dies.

Looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool I was in stitches but I tried (and failed to hold them back). So I'm like awww honey *pats him on shoulder* and he is like *trying to fight back tears* shut up man, its sad innit?

Looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool sorry just had to share.

Hope you all are having a good evening

Gain a husband, lose a friend

As the title says.

It seems when you gain a husband, you loose your friends. Life just gets so busy and you can't seem to give your loved ones their rights.

My friend's aunt passed away a few days ago (May Allah have mercy on her and grant her jannatul Firdaws) and although I called my friend to see how she is and how the family is, I don't think I've done enough subhanallah and I am racked by guilt. I couldn't even attend the janaazah and haven't been to their house to offer my condolences.

Now, don't get me wrong, TOM wouldn't stop me from going to see my friend subhanallah or attending the janaazah or anything like that. It's just that he has had surgery and is still recovering so much so that I have to even help him shower, he is that helpless (miskeen). So by the time, I finish taking care of him, I can't even do anything with the day.

Haven't even been online for AGES and that's saying something.

I just feel so helpless towards my friends subhanallah. Anyway, may Allah make us of those who give rights as they are due.

Duchess

Relationships...

Relationships are tricky.

As humans, we form various relationships with different people and as such, are defined by the names we give to each relationship we occupy.

At school, we are students as opposed to teachers so we occupy a role of submissiveness in the face of authority. We are daughters/sons, friends, sisters/brothers. As we mature, we form relationships with those who we find a common interest with and shared goals so we become wives/husbands and mothers/fathers if Allah wills.

Relationships are tricky. The more strings we add to our bows the harder it is to juggle the rights of all upon us.

Sometimes we get it right and subhanallah, it is like there is nothing better in this world. Our family are happy with us and our choices, our spouses are pleased with us and our love, our friends are happy with us and our loyalty...

But then there are those times when nothing seems to be going right. Today seems to be one of those days.

I cannot be ungrateful subhanallah. My hubby is good tabarakallah (and may Allah always keep us so), my dear friends are also good Alhamdulillah (and may Allah always preserve our friendship) but my relationship with my family...subhanallah that could be better.

I feel like nothing I do can make my mum happy. I just can't seem to find the middle ground with her. Whatever path I decide to take, to create my own happiness seems to be full of pit falls and disappointment and I am well and truly drained.

And when this is so, there is nothing worst in the world.

Khair Alhamdulillah. We are patient for Allah's Mercy. I know everyone is tested in different ways so perhaps I have it easy but this realisation doesn't make my situation any easier to deal with.

I just wish I had my mum's blessings and happiness.

Today was not a good day :(

Levels of Afflictions

Question: What’s the ruling of someone who becomes angry when a hardship or affliction befalls him?

Answer: People, during circumstances of affliction or difficulties, are at four levels:

 

** The First Level – Becoming Angry This can be in different ways: ** The first way:The anger is by the heart as if he’s angry at his Lord. So, he gets angry with what Allaah has decreed for him, and this (level) is not permissible. It’s possible that it could even lead to disbelief. Allaah says:”And among mankind is he who worships Allaah as it were, upon the very edge (i.e. in doubt); if good befalls him, he’s content therewith, but if a trial befalls him, he turns back on his face (i.e. reverts back to disbelief after embracing Islaam). He loses both this world and the Hereafter.”[Soorah Al-Hajj, 22:11]

** The second type:The anger is by the tongue like making praying and supplicating for destruction or ruin or by similar statements, and this is also impermissible. ** The third type:The anger is by the limbs like slapping the cheeks, ripping the clothes, pulling out hair (some Arab cultural reactions of Jaahiliyyah), and similar actions. And none of this is allowed; it’s in contradiction to having patience which is required.

** The Second Level – Remaining Patient It’s just like a poet said, “Patience, like its name, is bitter in taste, yet its outcomes are sweeter than honey.”Such a person sees this thing (the affliction, problem) as weighing down heavily on him, But he bears it although he dislikes that it happened. His faith bears it patiently and prevents him from being angry. So, the times of affliction and times without are not the same to him. This (level) is obligatory because Allaah commanded the people to be patient, saying:”And be patient. Certainly, Allaah is with the patient ones.”[Soorah Al-Anfaal 8:46]

** The Third Level – Being Pleased with the AfflictionIn such a way, the person is pleased with the affliction. It’s the same to him whether it happened or not; it’s not difficult upon him and he doesn’t bear it as if it is something weighing heavily on him. This (level) is preferred but not an obligation according to the most correct opinions. The difference between this level and the one before it is apparent because the affliction happening or not happening (in this third level) is the same due to the fact that the person at this level is actually content and pleased. As for the level before it, the affliction is hard upon him, yet he still remains patient over it. 

** The Fourth Level – Being ThankfulActually being grateful is the highest level. This is the state when a person thanks Allaah for the affliction that has befallen him. He knows that such a difficulty is a means of expiation for his sins and perhaps a cause for an increase in his good deeds. The Prophet SAW said:“There’s no affliction that strikes a Muslim except that Allaah expiates with it (his sins), even with a thorn that may poke him.”Recorded by Al-Bukhaaree (no.5640) and Muslim (no.2572)

By Shaykh Ibn Al-‘Uthaymeen.

source: http://fafirrooelaallaah.wordpress.com/