Lineage

Duchess: You know cos I'm black and you're white (he is actually turkish cypriot) when we have kids Insha Allah, they are gonna be birracial yes?
TOM: Yeah....
Duchess: Well if THEY get married, then you know one of us is gonna be lost innit
TOM: What do you mean?
Duchess: Well if they marry another black person, then your lineage is lost as they would be black and if they marry another white person, then I'm lost cos they would come out more white isn't it.
TOM: ok my kids are only marrying Turks. Sorry Duchess but we have to preserve the Ottoman Turks.
Duchess: You must be joking, they are only marrying hausa, we have to preserve the pure blood.
TOM: but it can't be all lost cos...there MUST be something about them that would indicate one of their "lost" lineage isn't it?
Duchess: Ok, take me for instance, I have to literally say Wallahi that my great grandfather is Lebaneese yes? If you see me, would you immediately know that I have an arab in my lineage?
TOM: *looks closely* oh yeaaaaaahhhhh....subhanallah you are so right. Imagine on Yawwmal Qiyaamah if your grandfather comes and the angels are like "here is your lineage" and he is like "where?" and they are like"here is your lineage over there" and he is like "but where I can't see them" and they are like "well, turn on the light"

Oh my *&%£$ husband, ever the racist!

Duchess

kids :)

So TOM and I were discussing...ok EID MUBARAK firstly. May Allah accept all our good deeds this year gone and the efforts of the hujjaaj (is that how you say it?)

Anywhoo TOM and I were discussing how we would want our kids to look like Insha Allah.

TOM: I hope they have your eye shape
Duchess: I hope they have your eye colour
and so on and so forth, till he thought he was being funny when he said

TOM: I hope they have your grizzly legs
Duchess: (after the long solo laugh had finished, and I mean solo cos HE was the only laughing *roll eyes*) Yeah, well I hope they have your rug of a back.
TOM: ok Astaghfirullah we should stop now cos our children are gonna end up looking like apes :s

Duchess

Toothless Afghani -2-

So TOM thinks its cute to tell me he is going to marry an Afghani whenever he is upset with me (flipping cheek!) and as a result, I call his stupid imaginary wife a toothless Afghani.

Tonight, he had been calling me all night but I was on the phone with my best friend who I hadn't spoken to in AGES! Tabarakallah so there was a lot of catching up to do innit?!

When I finally spoke to him, this is what follows:

TOM: Duchess, I've been calling you since forever man, I proper missed you all day and really wanted to talk to you.
Duchess: awwww tabarakallah I'm sorry I was on the phone to my friend
TOM: I figured. You talk too much on the phone. You know what, I don't miss you anymore, I'm gonna go marry my Afghani woman.
Duchess: What the toothless one?
TOM: Yeah, I'll give her dentures as her mahr*

Duchess

*mahr is the gift a bride receives from the groom.

Toothless Afghani -1-

Dear TOM,

It's not funny when you keep talking about wanting to marry an Afghani woman. It makes my blood boil and I just want to rip every hair on your head!

I've decided however that if you choose to go down this path, its not a problem cos I'll kill her and your mum can kill you cos you KNOW I'm too cute to serve two life sentences.

Yours,

Duchess